Talking therapy

blurred-background-calling-cellphone-1426939In a recent post, I wrote about how Nora’s illness has become my single topic of conversation. The truth is, talking – and writing – about everything that’s happened has helped me enormously.

I started this blog because I wanted to share my experiences with other parents. I believe it’s important to speak openly about mental health. Having a child with a mental illness isn’t some dirty little secret to be ashamed of. I am immensely proud of my daughter and her strength in the face of this terrible illness.

But you know what? Parenting a child with a mental illness is hard work. Too often, it can feel lonely and overwhelming. I am tired of trying to ‘explain’ Nora’s illness to people who insist there must be a ‘reason’ for what’s happened to her.

However, for every conversation I’ve had with someone who simply doesn’t get it, I’ve had half a dozen with people who do. Many – but not all – of these are parents of children with mental health problems. Parents, like me, who have felt lonely and misunderstood as they’ve struggled to come to terms with what’s happened to them.

I’m often asked what advice I’d give to a parent whose child is struggling with depression. There are lots of things that help, and I’ve written about some of these in an earlier post. The thing I haven’t written about is how helpful it is to simply talk about what you’re going through.

It seems obvious to say that talking helps. But so many parents struggle for too long in silence. Confusion, fear of being judged, worries about betraying their child are all reasons why some parents don’t feel comfortable talking about their child’s illness.

In that sense, I’ve been lucky. My family and friends (too many to mention but please know that each one of you has made the last year bearable) have been there and listened while I have talked, and talked, and talked… and then talked some more.

I’ve also found a remarkable online community of people, and I’m often overwhelmed by the support I’ve had from people who barely know me. Again, there are too many people to list them all, but I must give a special shout out to Ida Väisänen (funny, brave and all round lovely), Ashley Leia Peterson and Carol Ann. For anyone wanting a better understanding of mental illness, these women write great blogs.

Finally, if you are parent and you feel there’s no one you can talk to, I would strongly recommend the new parent to parent service offered by mental health charity, Young Minds. This service didn’t exist when we were going through the worst of it with Nora, but I wish I’d had something like this. It’s a chance for parents who are struggling to have a chat with someone who has ‘been there’ and really understands what it’s like to care for a child with a mental illness.

Young Minds is a great charity, that does a huge amount to support young people with mental health problems. Alongside the parent to parent service, they also run a parents’ helpline which is available to offer advice to parents and carers worried about a child or young person under 25.

The most important thing to remember is this: whoever you are, whatever problems your child is having – you are not alone. Talk to a friend or family member that you trust, join one of the online communities on Facebook or Twitter, read mental health blogs, or call Young Minds. Help and support is there. I promise.

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New year, new beginnings

new yearWe recently said goodbye to Nora’s CAMHS* counsellor. This wonderful woman first met us when Nora was at her worst.

She was no longer speaking, had stopped eating and wasn’t able to do many of the normal day to day tasks most of us take for granted. She was self-harming and suicidal. She had been hospitalised on several occasions, and was assessed by CAMHS every time she ended up in hospital.

Despite the well-documented stories of how difficult it can be to access children’s mental health services, this wasn’t our experience. From the outset, CAMHS were available and willing to help Nora.

However, as we were already paying for Nora to be treated privately, we had to make a choice: stay with the private service or move to CAMHS. Initially, we chose to stay within the private sector.

ambulance.jpgWhat changed our mind? A number of factors, including an afternoon of confusion following one of Nora’s terrible ‘meltdowns’. Normally, I was able to manage these episodes. On this day, things got so bad I ended up dialling emergency services, who sent an ambulance to the house. The paramedics immediately decided that Nora needed to be hospitalised. There was just one problem…

Because Nora was being treated privately, the paramedics didn’t know what hospital Nora should be taken to. They called our nearest NHS hospital, who told them Nora needed to be taken to the private hospital where she was being treated as an outpatient. But when I called the private hospital, they told me they couldn’t see her as it was an emergency and they didn’t deal with emergencies.

Several phone calls later, we ended up at an NHS hospital in a nearby town. We stayed there for several nights, where Nora was – once more – assessed by CAMHS. It was at this point that we decided to switch from the private sector to the NHS.

In retrospect, I’m pretty sure this decision saved Nora’s life.

The care we’ve had under CAMHS has been second-to-none. During the worst of Nora’s illness, we had mental health workers calling to our house daily, providing much-needed support. There were people I could call, twenty-four hours a day, when I was worried about my daughter. We had a team of caring, dedicated people, all doing their best to keep my daughter alive.

This was very different to the private sector where I had one phone number for one psychiatrist. In all the time we were under her care, she never once returned any of my phone calls.

Since that first meeting with our CAMHS counsellor, Nora’s recovery has been remarkable. This is largely thanks to her dedicated CAMHS carers, who do one of the most important jobs there is.

Lack of access to children’s mental health services has been widely document. I’ve blogged about it here previously. Understandably, parents who cannot get help for their children feel angry and frustrated.

These parents are right to be angry. In the UK today, three in four children with a diagnosable mental health disorder do not get access to the support they need. For those lucky few who do get allocated a service, the average waiting time is almost two months (and far longer in some parts of the country).

But we can’t blame CAMHS workers for the woeful state of children’s mental health services. Instead, the blame lies with the people making decisions around how public funds should be allocated.

Today in the UK, only 0.7% of the NHS budget is spent on children’s mental health. Without adequate funding and resources, CAMHS are simply unable to support the growing number of children and adolescents being referred to them.

young minds.jpgIf you care about children’s mental health, and you agree our government needs to do more to support essential mental health services, now is the time to act. Lobby your local MP or sign the Young Minds’ petition for a new era for young people’s mental health.

Let’s not stop telling our elected politicians they need to do more to prioritise the mental health and wellbeing of future generations.

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*CAMHS stands for Children and Adolescent Mental Health services

 

 

Make a real difference this Christmas

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Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

Four months ago today, I wrote the Nora’s story page of this site.

Re-reading this now, it seems extraordinary to think how ill Nora was, and how rapidly she is recovering.

Four months ago, my beautiful daughter was in the grip of a crippling depression. She had stopped speaking (she was completely mute for several months), she was unable to get out of bed or get dressed without help, and she had lost so much weight we thought she’d have to be fed through a tube.

Nora’s anguish was so unbearable she didn’t want to continue living. More than once, she was admitted to hospital after serious suicide attempts.

It was a terrible time for our family but, even during the worst of it, we never stopped believing Nora would get better.

Four months on, and Nora’s recovery has been nothing short of miraculous. She is no longer suicidal or self-harming. The symptoms of her psycho-motor retardation are gone. She is speaking again, having fun and engaging with life.

Since I started this blog, I’ve met so many parents taking care of children with mental health problems. Parents, like me, who are struggling to deal with the challenges of supporting a child with a mental illness. Parents who desperately need help that simply isn’t available.

It’s no secret that the lack of resourcing and funding for children’s mental health in the UK is disgraceful. This is something I’ve blogged about previously, and it’s a topic I’m sure I’ll come back to again.

The problem isn’t just with children’s mental health, either. One in four people in the UK are reportedly suffering from some form of mental illness. Yet, all too often, these people are not getting the help they need.

It’s left to mental health charities to fill the gaps in mental health provision. Yet these charities, too, are stretched to their limits.

That’s why I am asking all readers of this blog to support this year’s Telegraph Christmas Charity appeal, which is raising much-needed funds for three mental health charities:

  • Changing Faces – which provides advice and support for people with a visible difference through counselling, networks and skin camouflage services.
  • Young Minds – a charity that offers a vital lifeline to thousands of parents and carers to prevent young people from coming to harm.
  • The Fire Fighters charity – which offers psychological support to firefighters in the wake of major incidents.

You may not have suffered mental health problems yourself, but I guarantee you know someone who has. Mental health charities offer an essential service to families and individuals who desperately need help.

Please help these charities to carry on doing the great work they do.

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Surviving the tough times

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

It’s four and a half months since Nora was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Without doubt, these have been the worst four months of my life.

Despite being terribly ill, Nora is now making a remarkable recovery. I have already written about this so won’t bore you again with the details.

At her very worst, I always knew Nora would get better. She is, without question, the most single-minded and determined person I know. It’s not just me who thinks this. Her father, brother and CAMHS care workers are all in agreement. She is a force to be reckoned with.

Caring for a child with a mental illness is scary and lonely. You will need as much help as you can get. Here are some of the things that helped me through the worst of times. They may not all be relevant for you, but one or two might help you along the way.

Friends and family

I am immensely proud of how our little family pulled through this together. Nora’s brother, four years older than her, has done so much to help and support her. From spending time with her when she was at her very worst, to cracking jokes and having fun with her as she recovers, he has been the best big brother she could ask for.

Miraculously, my husband and I seem to have dragged ouR way through this relatively unscathed. We really dug in and got each other through each day. We were there for each other and our kids when we all needed it most.

As for my friends, I have simply been stunned by people’s kindness. Many of you will be reading this and I want you to know your help, love and friendship were never more appreciated or more needed.

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Music

Soon after Nora fell ill, I discovered a singer I hadn’t heard of before. Her name is Camille O’Sullivan, and her music got me through some of my darkest moments. One song, in particular, resonated with me. I still can’t listen to it without weeping. It is raw and powerful and full of love.

CamilleHere’s a link if you’d like to hear it for yourself: Camille O’Sullivan singing Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide.  Put the volume up high, sit back and let the music work its magic.

Wise mental health professionals

I’ve written previously about our negative experience with one CBT counsellor, and the ill-informed paediatrician who ‘didn’t believe in mental illness’. On the whole, however, our experiences with doctors and mental health professionals have been overwhelmingly positive.

It’s important you know this. I’ve spoken with parents who are put off getting help after one bad experience. Please don’t let that happen. Your child has an illness that requires professional help. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can do this alone. Your child deserves more than that.

I know getting help isn’t always easy. In a previous post,  I’ve listed some of the ways you can push to get the right help for your child. I hope it helps.

Having a care plan and sticking to it

A key part of your child’s recovery is their care plan. This is a schedule, put together by your child’s mental health team, that your child has to follow in the early days of their illness.

In Nora’s case, her care plan consisted of carrying out basic tasks such as getting out of bed each day, getting herself dressed and eating a certain amount of food. If this seems extremely simple, it’s not. When someone is severely depressed, carrying out even the most basic tasks can seem too daunting.

Having a bespoke care plan was hugely important. It gave Nora – and me – a structure for getting through each day. Over time, it gave her confidence to believe she could carry out basic tasks that she’d thought were too difficult.

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Reading about other people’s experiences of depression

I read – and reread – Matt Haig’s brilliant Reasons to Stay Alive. I read blogs detailing people’s experiences of depression and mental illness. I learned as much as I could about Nora’s illness.

I knew almost nothing about depression before Nora fell ill. I’m still no expert but I’ve learned enough to – hopefully – support her as best I can.

The resources section of this blog lists all the books and online resources I found most useful.

Faith

I am not a religious person. When I talk about faith in this context I mean faith in my daughter. I never once, not even at her very worst, believed Nora wouldn’t get better.

This wasn’t always easy.

Several times, we were told by mental health professionals they had never encountered a child of Nora’s age with such severe symptoms. At one point, her CAMHS counsellor told me they were ‘flummoxed’.

It took over a month for CAMHS to put a care plan in place for Nora. They simply didn’t know how to treat her when she was first referred to them.

Yet somehow, through all of this, I always believed she would be well again.

Of course, I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not naïve. I know that depression may be part of her life forever. I know she may get sick again. If that happens, I will hold onto the faith I have now.

Because I believe in my daughter. I believe in her strength and her determination. More than anything, I believe she deserves to live an incredible life, with or without ongoing mental health issues.

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When your child takes anti-depressants

tabletsThere’s a widely accepted belief among many parents that giving anti-depressants to a child is ‘a very bad thing’. Before Nora fell ill, I was one of ‘those’ parents.

I believed that the medical profession routinely over-prescribed anti-depressants to children who ‘didn’t really need them’. I believed this on the basis of no real evidence. I believed it because other parents believed it. I believed it because I read opinion pieces in broadsheet newspapers about the damaging effects of proscribing anti-depressants to young people.

I believed it because I was incredibly ignorant about mental health problems and the devastating effects they can have on young people and their families.

The purpose of this post isn’t to debate the pros and cons of giving anti-depressants to young people. I’ve had my fair share of negative reactions from other parents who ‘don’t think it’s wise’ for my child (yep, my child not theirs) to be taking drugs that can help her get better again. Quite frankly, I’m tired of trying to explain to people that if Nora wasn’t taking anti-depressants, she would very possibly be dead.

If you’re a parent wondering whether or not anti-depressants are the right choice for you child, I can’t help you make that choice. But I can tell you this: I absolutely believe that anti-depressants saved my daughter’s life.

This post is for parents who made the same choice we did.

Based my experiences with Nora, here are the five things I wish I’d known earlier. If I had, it would have saved me a whole lot of heartache and far too many hours searching the internet for answers.

They take time to work

When Nora was first prescribed anti-depressants we had unrealistic expectations of how quickly they would work. We watched her, day after day, for any signs of improvement. For the longest time, nothing changed.

It doesn’t help that it took time to get her dosage right (see below), but the waiting really was tough.

Nora’s been taking anti-depressants for five months now. During that time, her recovery has been remarkable. She’s still not ‘better’, but she is significantly different from the mute, withdrawn, suicidal child she was a few short months ago.

I know that her recovery isn’t only down to the anti-depressants, but they’ve certainly helped.

So, if you and your child are at the start of your journey with anti-depressants, hang on in there. It takes time, but the wait really is worth it.

You may not get the dosage right first time

Because mental health is so complicated, and children’s brains are still developing, finding the right level of the right kind of anti-depressant for a child can take time.

Nora is taking an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) anti-depressant called Fluoxetine (commonly known as Prozac). We had to try the drug at three different levels before we saw any effects. Because the side effects are so horrible in kids, increasing the level of medication has to be done gradually.

Again, all of this takes time. Again, it’s worth hanging in if you can.

The side effects are horrible, but they pass quickly

One of the (very valid) reasons parents are reluctant to give anti-depressants to their children is because of the side effects. They are horrific.

Nora’s depression meant she was extremely suicidal and unable to eat. She tried to kill herself several times. She was self-harming. She lost so much weight we thought she might have be fed through a tube.

Two of the most common side effects of Fluoxetine in children are increased suicidal thoughts and nausea. If your child is already suicidal, and already struggling to eat enough food to survive, you really don’t want her taking something that’s going to make this worse.

Did we see any side effects? Yes. Nora threw up for several nights after she first started taking Fluoxetine. And she was extremely suicidal (although, if I’m honest, I couldn’t say whether this was because of the drugs or part of her general illness).

However, the side effects pass. In Nora’s case, they passed relatively quickly (I would say they had disappeared completely after three weeks).

They won’t ‘cure’ your child but they will help

I really wish I’d known this earlier. Somehow, I believed anti-depressants would miraculously ‘cure’ my daughter. I read other people’s experiences of taking anti-depressants. They spoke about waking one morning and feeling as if a cloud had lifted from them. I thought this was how it would be for Nora, but this wasn’t our experience.

Nora’s recovery was gradual. Day by day, we started to notice small improvements. Taken together, those improvements are dramatic. But they are still only part of her recovery.

The really key part from now on will be the work she does with her CAMHS counsellor, helping her to manage her feelings and build the resilience she needs to navigate her way through her teenage years.

When they start to work, it’s the best thing ever

This is why you have to hang in there when your child starts taking anti-depressants. For all the reasons listed above, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.

My child was so very ill. She had stopped talking. She wanted to die. She had developed psycho-motor retardation, a condition that slows down your thought processes and body movements.

Today, she is engaged with the world again. She can fall asleep without needing me to be with her. She speaks and laughs and cracks jokes with her brother. She sees her friends. We go swimming in the sea. She is alive and embracing life.

All of this means more than anything. My girl is coming back to me.

We chose to give Nora anti-depressants, exactly as we would choose to give her life saving medication if she had cancer or any other illness. I am very glad we did.

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Let’s talk about…suicide

lonely boyMy daughter was eleven years’ old the first time she told me she wanted to die. As she likes to remind me, I didn’t take her seriously.

‘Don’t think like that,’ I said.

By then, I already knew Nora was ill. Her extreme anxiety meant she was barely attending school any longer. I assumed her anxiety was school-related. When she wasn’t in school, Nora seemed okay. She was able to carry on with her out of school activities and seemed happy being with her friends. She was still engaged with life.

When she told me she wanted to die, I didn’t believe for one second that she meant it. Also, she was eleven. It simply never occurred to me that an eleven-year-old child might have suicidal thoughts.

I was wrong.

The last six months have been a journey of discovery about mental illness in general, and childhood depression in particular. I have read harrowing stories of childhood suicides. I have watched my own daughter try to kill herself more than once.

Too frequently, when children talk of suicide it’s seen as ‘a cry for help’. I’m sure it often is. Sometimes, however, when a child says they want to kill themselves they mean exactly that. Their existence at this time is so horrific all they can think of is ending it.

Suicide is the leading cause of death in young people in the UK. It accounts for 14% of deaths in 10 – 19-year olds.  Over half of children who commit suicide have a history of self-harm.

I’m not saying if your child is self-harming they are also considering suicide. I’m saying it’s a possibility. My daughter was eleven the first time she self-harmed. She was still eleven the first time she tried to kill herself.

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If you’re reading this, the chances are you’re a parent who’s worried about your child. Maybe your child is self-harming and you’re scared about what else they might do. Or perhaps your child has already expressed suicidal thoughts and you’re still reeling from the shock.

Whatever your personal circumstances, I started this blog to help other parents. So, for you, here are some things I’ve learned about what to do – and not do – when your child tells you they want to die.

Don’t think they’re too young

I genuinely had no idea children as young as eleven would consider killing themselves. It may not be common for eleven-year-olds to commit suicide, but it certainly happens. Between 2005 and 2014, 98 children aged between 10 and 14 killed themselves in the UK.

The support group Healing Untold Grief (HUGG) was set up by the parents of an eleven-year-old girl who killed herself.

If your child starts talking to you about suicide, listen. Never think, ‘oh you’re far too young to think like that.’

Don’t think ‘not my child’

Until Nora got sick, I lived in this bubble where I believed ‘bad things happened to other people’s children’.

Yes, I’d heard tragic stories of children who’d killed themselves. I simply didn’t believe that one of my own children might ever contemplate such a terrible, desperate act.

Don’t promise to keep secrets you can’t keep

Your child will be deeply ashamed and traumatised about their suicidal thoughts. When they finally work up the courage to tell you what they’re thinking, they may ask you not to tell anyone else.

This isn’t a promise you can keep, so don’t make it in the first place. Trust is important in any parent-child relationship. It’s crucial when you’re trying to support your child with their mental illness.

If you make a promise you can’t keep (and you cannot keep this a secret; you must get professional help), you’ll break that trust. If that happens, you won’t be able to help your child.

Do remain calm

This is difficult. When you realise your child has suicidal thoughts, you will feel shocked, upset and overwhelmed.

So, let me say this: suicidal thoughts are not the end of the world.

There are different ways of finding out your child has suicidal thoughts. They may tell you they want to die. You may know nothing about it until they actually try to kill themselves. I didn’t realise how suicidal Nora really was until she tried to cut her wrists.

I didn’t react well. I panicked, I got upset, I thought my world as I knew it had come crumbling down.

You know what? My world is still here. Nora is still here. And now, thanks to my increased awareness of her illness, we are able to talk openly about her suicidal thoughts and feelings.

I am able to remain calm when she tells me she is ‘feeling very suicidal today’. I know when she tells me this, she needs a hug. More than anything, she needs to feel safe. The best way I can let her know she is safe is by remaining calm and simply being there for her.

It’s not easy. None of this is easy. But knowing the right way to respond, and knowing that is helping your child, can be an enormous comfort.

Do discuss it openly

Yes, this is hard too. Heartbreakingly difficult, in fact. But you don’t really have a choice. Your child is suicidal. You need to understand what this means, and – crucially – what you can do to keep them safe.

You need to ask them questions. Lots of questions. This really is okay. I was scared – very scared – that asking questions would ‘put ideas into her head’. Nah. Those ideas are already there.

So, try to find out what methods your child is considering, and also if they’ve thought about when they might do something. Are they planning to cut their wrists or throw themselves in front of a train or try to hang themselves? Have they decided on a particular date (Christmas, Easter, birthday, new school term)?

I know this is deeply upsetting. But remember, knowledge is power. If you know what your child is thinking, you can do so much to prevent them going through with it. You can lock up knives and other sharp objects. You can hide prescription drugs. You can take away dressing gown cords and belts. You can lock upstairs windows.

Crucially, you will understand the moments when your child is most likely to try something. You will know the moments in the day (or week or month) when you need to be at your most vigilant.

I know you might do all these things and they may not be enough. But your actions might keep your child safe if – in that moment when everything gets too much – they are unable to hurt themselves because you’ve put measures in place to stop this happening.

handDo get help

If your child has suicidal thoughts, they need help. Your family needs help. Please do not make the mistake of thinking you can do this alone.

Make an emergency appointment with your GP. Insist on a CAMHS referral. If your GP can’t arrange this, or the waiting list for CAMHS is too long, take your child to the emergency unit at your local hospital. Insist on getting your child assessed by a mental health expert. Tell every doctor, nurse and mental health professional you speak to that you are worried about your child’s safety. Ask to be kept in overnight if you are worried you won’t be able to keep your child safe at home.

If you are at home and you think your child is in danger, dial 999 right away. Do not wait.

Most of all, when you are going through the worst of times, know that they will pass. Your child will get better. You will both wake up one day soon and this dreadful black cloud that has fallen over your life will have cleared.

In the meantime, dear parent, stay strong for your precious child.

I am not a mental health professional. This blog  is based on my own experiences as the mother of a severely depressed child. Reading it is no substitute for seeking professional help. If you are worried your child is having suicidal thoughts, you need to get help right away. 

Sometimes there is no why

face-1540486Depression is an illness. A terrible, debilitating, life threatening illness. It sucks all joy from your life. It leaves you anxious, afraid and empty.

When you are depressed, your mind won’t shut down. It is on a constant cycle of worrying. You worry about everything. You cannot stop worrying, no matter how hard you try.

Alongside the worrying, you have a persistent voice inside your head. This voice tells you there is no point to anything anymore. It tells you you’d be better off dead. It urges you, constantly, to kill yourself.

You cannot shut your mind down. You cannot shut the voice up. You try, but they are stronger than you are.

Every living moment is horror. Time slows down. Every second is a minute, every minute an hour. The days are endless periods of extended hell.

You see your reflection in the mirror but it doesn’t feel like you. It doesn’t feel like you because there is no you. Right now, you are empty; this empty feeling inside you is worse than anything. It’s worse than the never-ending anxiety and fear. It’s worse than that persistent voice shouting at you all the time.

Your body is empty and there’s a dark shadow in the centre of your brain. You want to stick your hands inside your head and drag that shadow out. But you can’t do that. You can’t do anything because you are useless and everyone would be better off if you weren’t here.

You cannot bear living like this because it’s the furthest thing from living. You want to die because anything is better than this. All you can think about is ending it, but when you try to do this you fail. You are angry with yourself for not being able to go through with it. You are angry with anyone close to you who has intervened and tried to stop you.

cloudsDepression is an illness.

Yet too often when we hear someone is suffering from depression, our first reaction is ‘why?’. It’s a normal response. We want to understand what’s caused someone to suffer like this. If we can understand, maybe we can take precautions to make sure we protect ourselves and our loved ones from suffering in the same way.

When someone has cancer, or appendicitis, or tonsillitis, or arthritis, or osteoporosis or any other physical illness our first response is rarely to ask what caused the condition.

There are many reasons someone can suffer from depression – environmental factors, a genetic predisposition, a chemical imbalance in the brain, or sheer bad luck. Whatever the reasons, the simple fact remains: depression is an illness. People get sick all the time. There is no reason for this. Bad things happen.

Sometimes, there is no why.

Reasons to be angry

cloudsWhen she was eleven years’ old, my daughter Nora* was diagnosed with severe depression.

Nora’s descent from a happy, confident and popular child to someone who is mute, withdrawn and suicidal has been tough. It’s tough for those of us who love her, but toughest of all for Nora. Depression is a terrible illness that sucks all joy from your life, leaving you in a dark, empty world without light or hope.

Author Marion Keyes describes depression as being trapped inside the boot of a car with two Rottweilers. This is not a place I want my daughter to be. But she’s there and my job now is to find a way to get her back.

When I started thinking about this blog, I was planning to write a month by month account of Nora’s illness. I find I’m not able to do that; it’s too personal. That story is Nora’s to tell if she ever wants to, not mine.

So why am I doing this? Because, my friends, I am angry.

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In the UK today, we are failing our young people. The growing rate of mental health problems in children and adolescents is not being dealt with. The latest figures from the mental health charity Young Minds shows just how big – and growing – this problem is:

  • 1 in 10 children in the UK have a diagnosable mental health disorder; this doubles to one in five for young adults
  • almost 1 in 4 children and young people show some evidence of mental ill health (including anxiety and depression)
  • in 2015, suicide was the most common cause of death for boys and girls aged between 5 and 19.

Yet 3 in 4 (yes, that’s right: 3 in 4) children with a diagnosable mental health disorder do not get access to the support they need.

A mere 0.7% of the NHS budget is spent on children’s mental health; it’s no wonder so many children are not getting the help they need.

My daughter is being treated by the NHS Children and Adolescent Mental Health Service (commonly known as CAMHS). The people looking after her are brilliant. But getting seen by CAMHS isn’t easy.

If Nora ‘only’ had anger issues or anxiety, was ‘only’ self-harming, or ‘only’ had social anxiety which prevented her from going to school or having any sort of normal life, CAMHS in my part of the UK wouldn’t be able to treat her. They’re only able to take on the most serious cases.

I say ‘in my part of the UK’ because access to CAMHS services is a postcode lottery. In some areas of the UK, 75% of children and adolescents referred to CAMHS are not allocated a service.

For those lucky few who do get allocated a service, the average waiting time between referral and assessment ranges from just a week in some areas to more than 26 weeks in others. The average waiting time is almost 2 months.

Over the last few months, I’ve met a lot of parents who are struggling to get the help and support their sick child desperately needs. Understandably, these parents blame CAMHS for not being able to help them. I’d probably do the same if I was in their shoes.

But the problem isn’t the people working for CAMHS. They do a great job, but they’re not miracle workers. Without adequate funding and resources, they simply cannot support the growing number of children and adolescents being referred to them.

Our young people deserve better. The dedicated, caring people working in children and adolescent mental health deserve better. They are saving young people’s lives: the most important job there is.

I am new to the world of mental health activism. I know there are lots of people and organisations who’ve spent years fighting for greater awareness of, and more funding for, mental health illness.

I am proud to join that band of brave warriors.

More information

The resources section of this site has links to mental health charities and other resources I’ve found useful.

You can read more about Nora and her illness here.

 

* not her real name